Tuesday, July 26, 2011

My mom



It is very therapeutic for me to write down my story, thoughts, and feelings regarding my mom.  Lately I have been thinking about her more due to the fact that Thursday I am checking into the hospital to have a colonoscopy. Fun stuff!
   Growing up as a little girl my life was pretty much perfect.  I called it "normal" but our family was actually the exception.  My parents were not divorced.  My aunts and uncles were not divorced, and my grandparents were not divorced on any side of my family.  No drug addicts, alcoholics, or bums. I grew up in church and my parents were consistent in guiding and disciplining my sister and I.  My perfect little bubble popped in May 2006.  My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer May 5 2006.  My parents had just moved to KC for my dads job and I followed them to go to college and be with my boyfriend (and eventually husband) Jeremy.
  My mom had always been a great example of what  a christian woman.  She was diligent and consistent in reading her bible and spending time with God. Anytime my sister or I had a bad day or a "crisis" come up, my mom was the first one to say "stop, lets pray about it".  Any time we were having a bad day or a problem she would sing,
                                             This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made,
                                                   That the Lord has made, we will rejoice, we
                                                   will rejoice and be glad in it, and be glad in it...

She surrounded herself with wise christian women and found opportunities to guide younger girls.  She volunteered at the Pregnancy Crisis Center in Wichita.  She had such a passion for young girls, and desired to help them come to know God.  She loved my sister and I more than I will probably know.  She was the most selfless person I have ever came in contact with.  If I called her and needed her to bring me something or to come and pick me up from somewhere, with no questions asked she would drop what she was doing and come.  I was never very organized and my ADD definitely doesn't help that.  I remember days I would forget a deadline and be stressing out and completely overreacting, she would be there to help or fix anything that she could, and it always turned out okay.  After I got married, my  mom would come and stay with me to help me study for my nursing exams.  My mom was my rock.  She was the one person that knew me; awkward, embarrassing, emotional, mad, happy, sad...and she loved and understood me still.  I would call her five or more times a day.  I miss my mom... The feelings is unbearable sometimes.  It feels as if the air in your body is being sucked out of you, like you are suffocating.  I am so lucky that God allowed me to know that kind of love, and have such an amazing mom.  I am so blessed.
    In one of my mom's journals she wrote down 1 Peter 4:12

                                                Don't be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering,
                                                as though something strange were happening to you.

I think Paul put it best when he wrote, "To live is Christ, and to die is gain."





(This will probably not be the last time I write about my mom, but I don't want to keep rambling on tonight.)

3 comments:

  1. be praying for you as you go in for your colonoscopy!

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  2. Oh Erin this was so beautiful. I never knew some of those details, but could see it lived out in her life here in Texas as I met her in Dec of '92 when my husband died tragically.

    Do you remmeber our wedding in '95 before you moved to KS. You and Megan were so cute, about 8 & 11 then helping me the guests. And your mom and dad were the pianist and flutist and she a a few other friends did my entire bridal shower and decor for our wedding and reception, making me feel so special. What a day that was!!

    Your mom always inspired me and encouraged me as a young mom and then especially all the way thru her illness, even when she was so sick, she'd still email me and call. She always thought of others 1st, calling me when Kevin was 1st put in the hosp. back in Dec of '08 and Jan of '09 w/ his then failing heart again. She was truly one of my dearest Godliest friends and I miss her so much and think of her alot. I thank God for the short time her influence was in my life. Her legacy lives on thru you and Megan and your darling children!!

    My daughter was only an infant when her Daddy was called HOME to Heaven. Both your mom and dad helped carry us, for years, and your father is still an incredible inspiration and help to our entire family!

    Erin you inspire me to want to write and share my story more than ever now. My tears are misting as I read your blog today. Know you are close in my heart and thoughts and my prayers, esp. as you go for your test tomorrow I think you said. We are believing knowing that our God is a BIG God and holds your and your sister and ALL your darling children and husbands and father in his hands.

    I'm amazed to see how God has worked in our lives and your families too, as we continue to strive to seek HIM 1st!!

    I love you Erin.
    Have a Blessed day.

    love and prayers from Texas!
    Kelly Spencer

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  3. Hi Erin,

    What a beautiful story written about your mother.. I can only hope that one day one of my children will be as wonderful as you and take the time to think about me the way you have thought about her. I remember when your mother was diagnosed and thank you for keeping it together while you helped me raise my little babies.. You are a strong woman and I know you will be all that your mother was to you for your children.

    Your Friend,
    Shannon

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